This is a piece I wrote back in September of 2020, when I first discovered and connected to my own deep inner union, which was following a deep awakening process.
In the pockets of aches and pains,
Trapped tensions and lenses
I offered my body to the Goddess.
As I breathed in the forest ferns
And the moss of bark and bare feet
Yesterday I woke up with a certain tightness within myself. After working out and doing yoga, I slipped into meditation to explore what was going on. A few days ago I watched an old group call by the Soulfull Heart Experience about Sacred Unions within and without (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4y4XjZAfjw8). They define a sacred union as something that has to happen within ourselves first, the divine feminine and divine masculine reconciling and coming back together. Only after we find that balance within ourselves, can two people have a sacred union between each other. After watching that, and feeling the profound disconnect and imbalance within myself, it triggered some deep feelings that I’ve been moving through this week. I’ve been connecting a lot with my masculine aspects and metasoul aspects and feeling the ways that they’re wounded and hurting. I’ve been offering these masculine aspects quantum healing and forgiveness, but yesterday a beautiful milestone was reached.
After I closed my eyes and invoked white, then violet, light I found myself in a forest. I felt the blockages within my sacral chakra and third chakra, and channeled some reiki energy to them (which I haven’t been doing a lot lately). I found myself in the forest with high vibrational divine feminine guides, and was holding hands with them in a healing circle. Then all the sudden, with no music or rhythm, my body started to dance. I started moving instinctively, doing things that seemed to come from inside me or deep, forgotten memories. As I surrendered to the dance and closed my eyes to feel the sensations of it, I felt so much freedom and joy moving through me. I felt so vulnerably sensual and free, swaying my body and feeling the flow and current coursing through me. As I danced, I began to see the divine feminine within me take form. She materialized like the night sky, completely black with a tapestry of glowing stars running across her body and form. She feels like velvety darkness, deep digestion, and the warm underbelly of the world. She kneeled to receive her crown from the Divine guides and danced in her freedom and expression. She knew what was coming and felt warm anticipation for the sacred union that was happening in the forest that day.
After connecting with my divine feminine, a ways away in the forest the divine masculine was struggling to prepare himself. With Divine masculine guides beside him, he felt so guilty and ashamed of all the ways he had suppressed and tried to control the divine feminine, and didn’t think she could reconcile with him. He was guided to go ask for her forgiveness. He knelt before her and expressed his shame and regret and asked for her forgiveness. She forgave him and expressed her apologies for the ways in which she hurt, denied or ran from him. The two of them promised to always respect, protect and love one another, through each phase of life to let the other one pass and stay in balance.
As they came back together again, swirling and dancing and making love, such a celebration of joy was exploding within me like fireworks. It felt like such a unification of many pieces coming back together in one moment. All at once I fell deeply in love with myself and everything I am. Every choice, word, expression, thought was all the feminine and masculine deeply in love with each other. For the whole day I felt a deep bliss, and such a relief to FINALLY be back together. I just felt so in love and in awe of everything inside me.
Now, as a disclaimer I guess, I have to tell you that all-encompassing bliss didn’t really last forever. Today I woke up with a new little rumble inside of me, a new aspect to explore. That’s what my healing journey feels like: work, work, work, healing deep scary wounds, crying, meditation, a few moments of heavenly bliss as those parts are healed, then BOOM starts all over again. I do wish I had a little bit more time to just bask in those breakthrough moments, but my journey feels very accelerated, especially now. And, ultimately, I’m learning to love the whole ride. I’m becoming more seamless at feeling where there might be tension and tugging on some limiting belief or pain point, then digging it out, down to the bulbous root. I love this journey, I love all the deep and endless opportunities for exploration, and I love digging down and uncovering my true self.