So many of us grow up in households where our needs haven’t been fully met, where we’ve been abused or traumatized, or we’re left to “fend for ourselves” and figure out how to take care of ourselves. We didn’t receive the love and nurturing our young and impressionable inner child needs.
It’s truly rare to actually see a healthy, secure attachment style “out in the wild”. It’s nearly impossible to come across someone who doesn’t have some level of trauma from their childhood or development. It’s pretty much impossible to meet every single one of a child’s emotional needs, so even then we have to have compassion for our adult caregivers and the situations they find themselves in.
But even so, we’re left with wounds. We’re left with traumas to contend with, and deal with and heal in adulthood and beyond. Once we feel fundamentally “safe” enough, we may be able to start facing these traumas.
People are imperfect. They hurt us, we hurt them. In relationships, misunderstanding and challenges are normal and opportunities for huge growth. When we add childhood trauma and attachment styles in the mix, this can get understandably messy. But when we have the awareness, the compassion and the ability to look at ourselves, hold ourselves and heal, we can truly transform the nature of any relationship because we transform how we see the world and relate to it.
Every relationship you have and every struggle within that relationship is an external reflection of your inner dynamic. So, if you have an anxious attachment style, regardless of who/what the external person is doing, you’re going to continue relating and reacting from that wounded and triggered place. And of course it usually goes that we are paired with people who can trigger us and offer us a glimpse into that deep healing through the power of external situations. Then we can decide what we are/aren’t willing to accept, from within ourselves and without.
But how do we heal? How can we truly and deeply heal from this?
I completely feel and know that we can heal our attachment wounds. We are infinite beings capable of anything. We are infinitely powerful, to the point that we’re even able to convince ourselves and believe in a “lack” of power. We can do and heal anything.
We have to begin at the root. We have to follow each triggered reaction as it comes up with gratitude and honor, acknowledging the opportunity for deep healing and transformation. As your fears or hurt come up, don’t shy away from them. Embrace them as an old friend. Love them deeply as you would love your own baby. Cradle yourself, hold yourself, breathe into it, call upon Divine support, and ask this part what they need and what they’re feeling. It’s usually going to be simply love and care, receiving what they didn’t when they needed it.
Because that’s what you’re doing here. You’re becoming your own parent, your own caregiver, lover and guide. You’re the spaceholder for all the wounded parts inside of you. SO as these fears arise, embrace them with love and compassion. Embrace them with curiosity. Don’t silence or shush them, because isn’t that just what has already been perpetuated? When you deny your own parts the love and care they’re seeking from you and through you, you create internal distrust.
Internal trust is knowing and allowing that whatever process or reaction is coming, you can hold it. You have tools and support systems. You have a practice to hold you and come back to. This is what I teach and guide in Quantum Healing sessions. How to create your own practice for holding every reaction as it arises, with love, care and compassion, so that it may have room to heal and transform.
Sometimes it’s so powerful and so simple to just turn the light on. Face the shadows instead of creeping around in the darkness. And when you face them and actually hold them, you may see that what you thought was a “fearsome demon’ was just a very small, very vulnerable and soft part of you seeking love, and not knowing how to ask for it. And who is going to be able to discern that and recognize that better than you? Who else is going to do it for you? No one.
You are your own savior, always. You are re-writing your own story.
Blessings on this beautiful Dia de Los Muertos, Halloween, or Day of the Dead! This is a profound time of transformation, facing our shadows, hiding behind costumes or masks and the liberation that brings us to face our true expression.
We honor the past, we stare death in the face, and love the darkness we find in the shadows and beautiful places yet to explore.
Tune in with me this evening LIVE at 4pm PST on the Sovereign Self Radio show with ZofiaRennea Morales on VoiceAmerica! We’re talking all about this healing process, reclaiming sovereignty through it, and how to shine your own unique light through the shadows!
Tune in live here: http://sovereignself.live