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Inner Punishment Processing

Scorpion medicine is strong and fierce and connected to the divine feminine and the masculine within the feminine. Scorpion medicine doesn’t play around, it targets your weaknesses, pinpoints them, and adds an extra dose of poison or medicine to heal and transmute them. They know where to reach into your heart in the most vulnerable places, open you up and create the opportunity for total death and rebirth. This is what happens as you begin to become honest with yourself. When you begin to look past the outer layers and deeper into your soul. When you allow the bridge between the Earth and the cosmos to exist through your body and through your womb space. This is the magic of the divine and fierce feminine, who recognizes the power in her voice and truth and uses it as a form of medicine, even when there is a sting to others involved.

I’ve personally been sitting with such deep grief the past couple of days. Parts of my traumas and mother wounds, inner punishment networks, and undigested energies had been weighing me down for so long. Parts of me were feeling numbness and escapism and the dullness of joy that isn’t allowed to be fully expressed from an open and vulnerable heart. When I connected to my heart it was hurting. When I experienced that reflection through others I allowed and tolerated and justified the pain and abusive dynamics within myself because my inner dynamic had become so normalized and suppressed I didn’t even know that I was in pain, constantly. That’s what happens when you avoid anything, seeking distraction or allowing your ego to escape you and encage you. That’s why your ego can be so tricky because it’s more familiar to feel the same pain that you always have than open up the portal to something that could be infinitely deeper, but also more rewarding. This is the miracle of inner work and awareness. We get to explore to the deepest depths, feel them and allow them to flow through our being. While transmuting our inner dynamics our outer ones shift. When we allow the undigested emotions to come to the surface and be held with presence and love, in a safe container, we make space for joy and love to penetrate deeper into our hearts.

Sometimes we think the best way to live is calmly with the lid stuck on, containing and pushing everything down, projecting onto others, external reflections, and systems, when the real inner punishment is happening inside, drawing those same vibrations into your field. When you work with it from the inside and acknowledge yourself as that same punishing energy you witness in your environment, hold that part of yourself, and allow them to return to love, you transmute lifetimes worth of hurt, because often these parts are very multi-dimensional.

My personal process has been with my inner punisher, Andromeda, who takes on the energy of a punishing mother figure, and many other punishing and inner judgemental energies also reflected in outer relationship dynamics. This is an example of one of the parts we work with in Quantum healing sessions, bringing these dynamics into awareness and working with them, understanding them, and integrating them into love. Here is a journaling process and an example of how I negotiate with this part and work to integrate and love it.

Andromeda: Andromeda is a mycelium network. She burrows deep into your skin and nerves and travels across the entire root system of something till it is overtaken by her energy from the inside out. I realize and recognize this. I realize that harm and good are created in networks. I know where to isolate, pinpoint the weakest link, and manifest into that the perfect dose of poison that will access the most vulnerable, weak place.

Divine self, holding space: Andromeda

Andromeda: But I really don’t want to create networks of harm anymore. I see how much it hurts the other parts of you. But also it hurts me that you all regard me as bad, as a punisher, as evil, when really I’m trying to protect you from the inside out by assimilating the energies of your environment and internalizing them. But then I know that this internal environment creates a toxic external one.

Divine self: Andromeda, you’re not bad. You’re an incredibly intelligent and powerful entity. You’re very strong and multidimensional and magnificent. I wish you could see that we all deeply love you and are in awe of your being. You do amazing things and you’re capable of doing amazing things. Imagine instead of creating and perpetuating hurt in the body, you created a network of love, a network of discernment, intuition, awareness, loving non-judgemental, compassionate reflection. Medicine. Honesty. Intuition. Awareness. Loving, non-judgemental communication and reflection. Do you think you could create that and we could move towards that?

A: yes of course, and I like that you appreciate me and see my value and power. But how do I change my ways truly of thinking I have to hurt and sting to be loved and to do my purpose?

DS: We create a new narrative. A new program. We have been. But we’re continuing to work with it. Use your power of awareness and discernment with yourself to lovingly guide yourself back to the heart space, free of judgment, with simple awareness. I love you.

Then I went into a meditation space and deeply held this part with love, as well as the other parts within me that felt hurt by this energy, such as my inner child and inner teenager. I allowed them to witness each other and begin a reconciliation process, interrupting the pattern and dynamic of unconscious hurt that had become normalized.

This is a small example of the process of where this work can take you, and if you’re interested to dive deeper into this or if it resonates for you, I encourage you to book a Quantum healing session or intro call to feel into if this process is for you. Much love!

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